According to family systems theory, interactions between family members are inextricably linked to a child’s growth. Many people believe that the mother-father bond is at the core of this system, impacting every facet of family life. Thus, the growth and well-being of children are probably impacted by parents’ ability to support each other’s choices and decisions, foster emotional intimacy, and communicate clearly. [NIH]
Parenting styles and child development can be significantly and permanently impacted by toxic relationships, especially those that exist between parents. Children who grow up in toxic relationships may experience long-term effects on their mental health, coping skills, and self-esteem. Child(ren) may also idolize the behaviors they see in their parents, which can create a cycle of unhealthy relationships further.
Children who grow up in an unstable environment because of the patterns of abuse, conflict, and manipulation that define these relationships. It is therefore, very important to look upon this matter and try to resolve it.
How Toxic Relationship affects Children
Emotional Instability
Higher levels of emotional discomfort are frequently experienced by parents in toxic relationships, and this can result in unpredictable parenting styles. It is challenging for parents to consistently offer their children emotional support because of this instability, hence children grow up in an environment where there are no emotions and eventually they become emotionally unavailable, unstable and detached.
Role Modelling Unhealthy Behaviors
Children often observe and internalize the dynamics of their parent’s toxic relationship. They could pick up undesirable conflict resolution techniques like avoidance, aggressiveness or abusiveness, which can harm their social skills and future capacity to build wholesome connections. Living in such an environment can toss a child’s mental health and this could lead to them accepting that such behavior is totally normal and will even accept for themselves to stay in a toxic relationship in future.
Social Withdrawal
Due to learnt reactions from witnessing parental arguments, children raised in toxic situations may become socially isolated or display aggressive behaviors. This may make it more challenging to make friends and keep up positive peer interactions.
Chronic Stress
Children who are exposed to an unhealthy environment may experience persistent stress, which can lead to anxiety, depression, despair, and low self-esteem. This stress can hinder their cognitive development and academic performance, as they struggle to concentrate amidst family chaos.
Impact on Parent-Child Bond
Toxic relationship will not only create a difference between the parents but also parents and children. Parents may be become emotionally distant or excessive judgmental, reflecting the negativity present in their relationship. This might lead to children disconnecting from their parents, which can affect their sense of security and trust.
These are some of the scenarios which often affects children badly. But this should be called out and they must be given proper care and attention by their parents.
How to heal from toxic parenting:
Recovering from the effects of observing a toxic parental relationship is a process that involves self-reflection, dedication, and seeking outside assistance (like psychiatrist, therapist). Below is a sequential guide to start healing and cultivating healthier habits.
Acknowledge and Accept
One of the most difficult thing you can do is acknowledge and accept that you have been brought up in an unhealthy environment. The toxicity between the parents may have impacted your thoughts, views, actions and emotions but it is essential for you to move on from these past traumas to build a better future for yourself.
Seek Professional therapist
Seeing a therapist or a psychologist can help process emotions, overcome awful memories and develop new coping up strategies. Joining support groups and making connections with people who have gone through similar faces in life can provide empathy and encouragement.
Reframe Beliefs About Relationships
Displacing presumptions such as “all relationships are painful” with more balanced viewpoints is one way to combat negative beliefs.
Learn Healthy Relationship Skills
By setting boundaries, communicating openly, ie, expressing needs and feelings in a clear and constructive manner, and developing empathy can help you in your relationships in future. This can prevent you from being in any toxic relationship.
Build Self-Awareness
Journaling is the best thing you can do when healing from toxic parenting. Journaling helps you identify how your parents’ action have shaped your thoughts about relationship, trust and self-worth. Taking notes of toxic traits which, you may have picked up from your parents can help you combat those traits.
Practicing self-compassion and developing supportive environment are further some other solutions which can slowly heal you from unhealthy parenting.
What Parents can do to control their behavior?
Toxic relationship between the parents affect their children negatively therefore, it is important to address the situation promptly and responsibly. Some ways by which parents can their control aggressive behavior:
Prioritize the Well-Being of their Children
Keeping the children away from conflict, animosity, and emotional neglect can shield the children from toxicity. Parents must prioritize and constantly reassure their children that they are loved and supported.
Seek Professional Help
Going to couple therapy or family therapy sessions is beneficial for parents and children. The couple therapist will provide solutions to the addressed issues which can lessen the conflict between the couples and improve more mature communication. Family therapy sessions helps the children process their emotions and build resilience.
Enhance Parental Communication
Parents must communicate respectfully in front of their children, even if they disagree on something. As parents, they must focus on cooperating for the benefit of their children, regardless of their personal conflicts.
Create a Safe Environment for Children
Let the children express their feelings without the fear of judgement or repercussions. Despite the relationship problems, maintaining consistent routine and a sense of normalcy can foster a safe environment.
Consider the Future of the Relationship
Thinking about the relationship for future is very important for children. Partners should reflect on whether the relationship can be saved or separation is the only option left. If that is so, they must plan carefully for the future of the children, so that least mental and physical stress is caused to them.
Monitor Children’s Emotional Health
Monitoring children’s emotional and mental health can unfold a lot of things about their emotions. The change in their mood, behavior, and academic performance can indicate distress in them which can eventually lead to trauma or anxiety, therefore, seek necessary help whenever the child exhibits such symptoms.
By implementing these actions, parents can attempt to improve the family dynamic and reduce the detrimental effects of a toxic relationship on their kids.
LET’S STOP NORMALIZING TOXIC AND ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Though love can be powerful, it should never come never come at the expense of self-worth, safety, or dignity. True love is nurturing, respectful and uplifting and not domineering, violent and harmful. The best course of action is to put your health first and think about leaving the partner if he/she is uncooperative and still hurting you. Everyone deserves to be loved, respected, and cherished in a relationship that is safe and encouraging.
World Health Organization (WHO) in its reports, indicate that globally about 1 in 3 (30%) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime. Worldwide, almost one third ( 27% ) of women aged 15-49 years who have been in a relationship report that they have been subjected to some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner. Violence can negatively affect women’s physical, mental, sexual, and reproductive health. (WHO)
When someone accepts to be in a toxic and abusive relationship it can be so because of their past unresolved traumas and skewed perceptions of love that they now think it is normal to have such a relationship. But this hold no truth to it and is wrong in every sense. This becomes a sensitive case to deal with.
To deal with such situations, you can do the followings to save yourself from any bad relationship:
Reflect on self-worth
Nobody should be subjected to abuse, humiliation, or domination. True love respects boundaries and values mutual respect. The safety and dignity of yours should be not sacrificed for someone you love because there is nothing bigger than self-respect.
Ask yourself questions
“Can I be content in a relationship if I don’t feel safe or respected?”, “Will I put my physical and emotional well-being at risk for this relationship?”, “What kind of example will this partnership provide for my future children and others?”. These are some tough questions which you can ask yourself if the relationship is still worth staying in it.
Recognize Red-Flags
Manipulation, control, over-possessiveness, excessive jealousy, and others are signs of a red-flag. Normalization of abuse is just a sign of toxic dynamic. All these traits are not a display of concern but rather a warning sign.
Make decision based on facts, not emotions
In love, emotions take over facts. But when someone abuses and hurts you, that is not love. Therefore, you must take decisions based on facts also and not only emotions. Love with mutual respect, trust and safety is what it requires to be in a healthy and joyful relationship.
Evaluate long-term consequences
Persistent abuse can lead to anxiety, sadness, depression and trauma. This can highly negatively impact on your mental health. Abusers isolate their partners from everyone, leaving you without any support system. It can be difficult leaving such relationship, when once accepted, but it is essential for long-term happiness.
Break the cycle for future generations
Staying in a toxic relationship instills in the next generation the belief that abuse and toxicity between partners is normal and acceptable. Those children who are raised in abusive households experience emotional distress and may imitate or become a victim of same pattern in their own relationships. Thus, by breaking this cycle shows the value of cultivating healthy limits, mutual love and self-respect.
Seek support and guidance
A therapist can offer tools to understand the relationship and evaluate your options objectively. While a counselor, can help you understand your emotional patterns, attachment style, and what drives you to crave toxic relationships. Support groups and healing therapy sessions too provide clarity and strength.
Embrace the path of real-love
Real love is all about cheering up for each other and accepting each other wholeheartedly, and not controlling. Abusiveness, control and jealousy are not the signs of real love. By leaving a relationship like this, you are not only choosing to be happy but also opening the door for more wholesome relationships and serving as a role model for others.
Conclusion
Thus, we need to cultivate a culture of knowledge, empathy, and accountability in order to avoid normalizing abusive and poisonous relationships. Teaching people about boundaries, healthy relationship dynamics, and the warning signals of abuse or toxicity is the first step in this process. Breaking the stigma associated with relationship problems requires promoting open communication and establishing safe venues for discussion. It is critical to establish support networks, such as community networks, legal aid, and counselling services, for individuals impacted by abusive relationships therefore collective effort—one that values compassion, education, and systemic change — will pave the way for healthier, more respectful relationships in society.
