Our Indian society revolves around two words sanskaar, and sanskaari. No one actually knows the correct meaning of these words but they sure use them a lot. People don’t seem to care whether they know the true meaning or not, because these two words give them a license to judge a person.
So, Are you sanskaari?
Don’t worry, The definition for sanskaar is totally different for men and women.
So If you are a man then it doesn’t matter mostly and if you are a woman no matter what you do, you can’t be enough sanskaari for our society. Sanskaari is a pretty huge word, right? According to our Indian society, a girl’s only motto should be to become a sanskaari ladki. That’s it, nothing more than that. If you are not sanskaari according to our society then you are worthless.
But tell me one thing: who will decide whether I am sanskaari or not? and more importantly who gave you the right to judge me? Because clearly, you as a society don’t know the meaning of sanskaar itself so why are you judging me?
According to Wikipedia, “Sanskaar are dispositions, character or behavioral traits, that exist as default from birth or prepared and perfected by a person over one’s lifetime, that exist as imprints on the subconscious according to various schools of Hindu philosophy”. I didn’t even change a single letter. I just copied and paste it here; you can google it if you want!
So according to this definition being sanskaari is all about a person’s behavior. So even if a person is roaming naked all around the place, he/she still can be sanskaari, right? Though I don’t encourage people to roam naked, It’s just an example.
If sanskaar was all about behavior and a person’s character then why do people question a woman’s sanskaar, if she wears western clothes.
Why wearing ripped jeans makes a person question whether that woman will be able to give proper sanskaar to her kids. Sanskaar was never about the clothing, right?
A man’s clothing was never a matter of question. A man wearing ripped jeans is not questioned if he will be able to give proper sanskaar to his kids. As far as I know, ripped jeans for a man and ripped jeans for a woman are not that different. The only difference that I can find is the size.
I never saw some sanskaar hanging on a men’s ripped jeans which were not on women’s jeans. This is not the only case where the definition of sanskaar changes on the basis of gender. Stick with me there are more to come.
Another sanskaar that every woman should have according to society is the ability to cook. Again it doesn’t matter whether your husband knows how to cook but you being a woman, should always know how to cook. Not even basic cooking skills are required for men but for women, she should know how to cook from starters to dessert.
Boys don’t belong in the kitchen and girls are born to be in the kitchen. That is the thinking of our society.
No matter how educated a woman is, she will always be questioned whether she knows how to cook or not. And if a woman replies NO in the answer then guess what’s the next statement. We all know you just need to think a little bit harder. The Statement would be “you are a girl still you don’t know how to cook” or “You are a woman you should know how to cook”.
Cooking is a basic survival skill everyone should know how to do irrespective of their gender.
Here another one. Have you heard someone telling a girl, partying late with friends, chilling with friends, smoking, and drinking alcohol is not something a girl from a sanskaari ghar would do?
But why the action of a girl is questioned again in the name of sanskaar. We never saw a boy facing such a question. If drinking alcohol and smoking is a bad thing to do then stop a man too. Question his sanskaar too.
A man is allowed to be a drunk addict and still, I never heard someone questioning him about his sanskaar but the moment a woman drinks just a sip of alcohol not only her’s, but her entire family’s sanskaar are questioned.
I don’t encourage drinking alcohol but it should a person’s choice to reject alcohol rather than someone forcing them not to drink. The ability to make choice makes the difference.
So, Why this sanskaar is only a barrier for a woman but not for a man.
A woman is such an interesting topic for society. Her sexual and love life are even more interesting topics. A woman’s virginity defines her sanskaar. Men want a virgin bride for themselves even if they are the biggest playboy in the town.
If a man has an extramarital affair then our society slides matter aside and suggests the wife to compromise with the situation or forgive her husband because after all, he is her husband. If his wife is brave enough to divorce him then again our society comes in her way questioning her sanskaar, asking her whether her parents taught her any sanskaar or not.
Being a sanskaari woman it’s her duty to keep family united. No matter whose mistake it is, A woman’s sanskaar will be questioned each and every time. Society can forgive a man for having an extramarital affair but it will not accept a woman’s single serious relationship.
Isn’t it unfair?
Question a woman’s sanskaar at her each and every action but not even once tell a man to become sanskaari. This discrimination will continue until people will not take initiative to find the true meaning of sanskaar and stop blindly believing whatever society tells them.
We need to understand sanskaars are not a barrier, it’s a bridge that connects us to our roots, to our culture, to our history.
The day we understand this, will be the day where this sanskaar based discrimination will end.
You can check below article to read more about sanskaar:
What is sanskar? A guide for every unsanskari Indian girl: https://www.oddnaari.in/life/story/what-is-sanskar-a-guide-for-every-unsanskari-indian-girl-odd-125620-2017-06-13
