We live in a society that tends to be more concerned about what’s going on in the other person’s life rather than their own. Our society thrives on gossip, judgements, and giving each other unsolicited advice. Unfortunately, this only tends to increase as we get older.
For whatever reason, relationships have always been treated as taboo in our society. “Dating” is something that is looked down upon or considered to be a “distraction” and most adults believe in only forming cross-sex relationships with the goal of getting married. But what if one’s marriage doesn’t work out? What if two people aren’t good for each other and can’t live their whole lives together? While relationships are looked down upon, divorce is also treated as a shameful act. More so in the case of single parents.
Single parents are usually a result of 3 scenarios – widows and widowers, separated after marriage or a child born out of wedlock.
Single parents from the first category are probably discriminated against the least. They are constantly looked at with pity and sympathy and many a time treated as if the parent has no purpose left in life other than taking care of their child after the death of their spouse.
However, individuals belonging to the latter two categories are the one’s that suffer the most. Single parents due to unplanned pregnancies or broken marriages are treated as irresponsible or careless. All sorts of rumours are spread about them and they are often directly blamed for their situations. They are spoken about in a derogatory manner, and treated as if they are ‘stuck in a rather unfortunate situation’.
Being a Single Parent
Most single parents tend to be single mothers. As reported by the United Nations, about 4.5% of all Indian households are run by single mothers.
According to popular belief, this is mostly because a mother’s love is considered to be the most important factor in bringing up a child and children are apparently the main responsibility of the mother. But along with this come multiple downfalls as well.
Single mothers in India face numerous struggles. Because of the gender wage gap, as well as the tendency to undermine the importance of a woman’s job, single mothers often tend to struggle financially. Our patriarchal society makes it very difficult for a single mother to establish herself both economically as well as socially. They are blamed for failed marriages, coerced into trying to fix their marriage or even find a new husband just to help “support them”. But the idea that single mothers need a man to support them is by itself problematic. While being a single parent does come with its own set of hardships, a man is not necessarily required to help support a mother and her child. A woman is very well capable of earning her living and bringing up her child and the unnecessary judgement by society just adds to her difficulties and hardships.
However, while the concept of being a single parent is still not a very common occurrence in our society, being a single father is even rarer. This is because the court usually grants custody of the child to the mother and in most cases, the mother has a clear advantage over the father in being granted custody. However, this advantage can prove to be quite unfair and sexist. It is taken for granted that it is the mother’s role to take care of the child and that she will do a better job. But without proper appraisal of the situation, it is wrong to make such assumptions as there can be many situations wherein the father is more capable of taking care of the child.
Movies like Kramer vs. Kramer, in which the mother walks out on her husband and child and abandons them for months, and yet wins the court case to keep the child is a perfect representation of preferential treatment towards women. While most single parents do tend to be mothers, not making fair and just decisions and assessing the situation, as well as not taking into consideration the child’s opinions can have a huge impact on how the child’s life turns out to be.
Community Support
This brings me to how children are directly affected by their family structures. There is no doubt that while growing up with only one parent, the kind of experiences a child has are very different from those who grow up with both their parents. From something as subjective as their dressing style to even the way they interact and form relations with people can be impacted by the absence of a parent.
Single parents often struggle with bringing up children of the opposite gender. The lack of awareness we face about other genders as a society really tends to stand out when put in the position of having to bring up someone from a different gender.
For example, something as normal as a teenage daughter hitting puberty and getting her period can be an extremely stressful time for a single father who has never had exposure nor been properly educated on how to deal with this or help his daughter through such a confusing phase of her life.
In such cases, single parents are often forced into taking help from third party intervention and rely on other family members, friends or even neighbours. They also often go to support groups and online forums to interact with and get advice from other individuals who have gone through similar situations. Unfortunately, there is a distinct difference in the lack of such resources available in India as compared to many other countries because of the taboos associated with single parenting in our country, and as a community, this is something we desperately need to look into.
Overall, being a single parent isn’t an easy job. However, a child growing up with a single parent doesn’t necessarily “miss out” on a good childhood or suffer. It is quite possible that the child might even lead a better life without that parent. What matters is the ability to maintain a healthy balance and to not judge single parents but instead support them. Single parents aren’t people that should be looked down upon but instead, be looked up to for their resilience and ability to handle all that life throws at them.
While India doesn’t seem to have too many official groups or organisations, numerous single parents from all over the country have come forward to make city wise groups and online forums in order to facilitate interaction between eachother. These groups can be found via Facebook, and some other helpful links such as:
- Single Parent Support groups in Mumbai – https://www.meetup.com/topics/single-parent-support-group/in/mumbai/
- https://www.thehealthsite.com/news/single-indian-parents-this-is-one-group-youll-definitely-want-to-join-for-your-kids-x0517-489303/
- https://www.quora.com/What-is-it-like-to-be-a-single-moms-child-in-India
- Joining Single Parent Community – https://www.indiaparenting.com/joining-single-parent-community.html
- 30 Instagram Profiles Every Single Mom Should Follow Today – https://www.madenewmama.com/30-instagram-profiles-every-single-mom-should-follow-today/
- 10 Indian Moms Who Are Rocking It on Instagram & Will Inspire You Too! – https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/10-indian-moms-who-are-rocking-it-on-instagram-will-inspire-you-too/
- 7 Indian Dads On Instagram Who Break All Stereotypes – https://www.womensweb.in/2019/06/7-indian-dads-on-instagram-who-break-all-stereotypes-do-you-follow-them/
